Tuesday 17 April 2012
Wednesday 25 January 2012
Saturday 14 January 2012
War of emotions ...
Our relationship has always been a power struggle, a war of emotions; wanting the other person to feel a certain way, while struggling to keep your emotions in check. Usually the person who leaves unscarred is the one who cares less. The moment I admit that I miss you, that I miss the feel of your lips on mine, you’ve already won. You wear this condescending smile of a man who has had his ego stroked one too many times. I make these floral confessions, telling of the number of times I have played connect-the–dots with the cluster of moles on your cheek, or tell you how much I envy her and still think it should have been me. It should have been me that you’ve made an honest woman out of.It should have been me that you whisked away to your cottage near the sea.
Although, truly if I must admit, when you were, your love was overbearing, stifling even. Too demanding. You were too needy and I was emotionally incapable of being what you needed. I couldn’t contain within me the things you sought, even if I tried. All this and more I couldn’t possibly confess. When you asked if the news terribly upset me, I couldn’t give you that upper hand. So yet again what seemed like a lovely conversation between friends, who has had way too much history together, ends in a terrible spat. Knowing that I’ve already lost, without saying a word, I dredge up past emotions, past grievances and stolen slices of time, and as if creating an air of nostalgia could undo what is already done. It’s like struggling to hold onto something, anything, so I wouldn’t fall but as it is I’m only grasping air, it’s just that I get greedy sometimes.
It’s pathetic….
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