Truly all the glory belongs to him. He is the only one who is there all the time, everyday. He deserves the highest and ultimate praise. My body cannot contain the praise to his awesome name anymore and i refuse to let the rocks cry out to him . You might be thinking that this is really spontaneous and out of the blue considering that the name and boastings of God havent been printed in any of my previous blogs, and if youre wondering if ive just stumbled upon him , then the answer is no... I havent just met this man, he has continuously been in my mind, bombarding my thoughts, my dreams and my heart. To contain him, and to stop him from dripping from my fingertips to the keyboard was the hardest and most disobedient thing i have ever done. Its almost unforgiveable, but i realise that now. My fingers are being knotted even as we speak simply because this is so long overdue and im tripping over them, making all kinds of typos cus i cant contain it anymore. The need to boast of his goodness, of his awesomeness, his loving kindness, his awesome power to love the lost and to captivate our hearts, even his ability to love those who dont wanna be loved or dont feel they are worthy. My God.....
Last night i was hit with the revelation that ive been telling him how i surrender completely, that i give it all to him , that i give him everything. I tell him constantly that i will make him the first in my life. I will give him all power, and i have said these things many times, and i meant it honestly at those times; i meant it with every fibre of my being and then hard times come and what i think is a simple decision, turns into something life changing and i never included him. I never sought his face, i never bother to ask him what my next move should be and i get caught up in something horrible that i could have just avoided, had i just sought him. Had i just allowed him to be God in my life, then all the horrible things i couldnt get through would not have been so horrible because he would have been right there with me.
To me, this is the greatest lesson that my father has ever taught me. I learnt that i cant follow him in my own strength, that i need his Holy Spirit, for its not by might nor by power but simply by his Spirit. My appa taught me that. He deposited this in my spirit in his own sweet way. And though i may have known this before, we as humans tend to hear everything and if its said again , it sounds familiar to our ears, however we do not practice it.This is where i fall short as well, i must confess. I need and must have his Spirit to yeild to him, i cannot be holy and walk in his integrity without him. I cannot do it on my own ,with my own will and strength. I cannot build or advance his kingdom and his church in my own strength and with my own understanding for if i do , then i will simply be building cities of Babel.
Now another aspect of my lesson is the understanding that if i am to surrender completely to him and his will and whims, then i cant take my stuff back. I cant take my luggage up again when things are going great. When it seems that i can walk on my own and im strengthened enough. I need to surrender completely and have him at the centre of my life.Let him be my strength. Consulting him on all things and seeking him at all times. Until my will becomes his and my thoughts become his. Until i am his and he is mine, for in theory i have always been his but in practicality ,i have never been further from him. Father i ask for forgiveness even now.....
Continue to teach me appa , and pour your wisdom into me , sweet Holy Spirit continue to reveal the secret things of God to my heart until theres no more room for me. Until theres no more room for all things trivial and unnecessary. Teach me lord....Jesus, sweet brother i know you are interceding on my behalf continuously , kam saham nida...Sarangae.....
Bye....KISSES...
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